“Of what are relationships made?”
Do you see your marriage or your Christian walk as a “rule” or “principle” to “keep” or “follow”? Many believers today believe that the more they “know” about God by reading and studying their Bibles the deeper their relationship with God will be. I call this mind-set “impersonal by principle.” People struggle relationally with God not knowing Him personally and intimately not because of a lack of intellectually knowing about Him. To simply know principles about God misses the “heart of God,” – “Love,” this is what relationships are “made of.” Many are confused trying to follow the “letter of the law” (principles) and blindly hold on to a perspective or interpretation of God, rather than knowing Him and allowing Him to be personally expressed through them as their life.
- Some couples find themselves staying in physically or sexually abusive relationships, falsely believing they are to “work at” maintaining the marriage. There is a biblical time to “separate” for a season, from an abusive relationship and allow proper authorities to help. This is an example of “impersonal by principle.”
- It is also important to seek help if there is emotional abuse. Name calling, yelling, screaming and expressing hurtful and hateful things is never appropriate and help should be sought.
- However relationships should not be “discarded” like worn-out cars, which no longer function as designed, or dissolved because one of the partners has made a mistake or sinned, so now “I have Biblical grounds to leave you.” Often, one finds themselves believing the lie, “that I am no longer in love.”
Living by the book, “the Bible” can be a very impersonal thing “to do.” Relationship involves a connection, association, or involvement with a person not just a love letter from the person. We are not called to “love the principle” or “the book,”— the Bible but to “…LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND… (And) LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF” Matt. 22:37-38.
Christianity is not a book religion. It is not a principle or belief system. Nor is it a “principled approach” to life, but an intimate personal relationship with a personal indwelling presence— God in us. Colossians 1:26-27 “…the mystery which has been hidden from the past ages and generations, but has now been manifested to His saints, to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.”
We are not called to “do” but to “be” in relationship with God. How do you “do” relationship if you have never been in one before? Christ in us has begun a relationship with us through the “New Birth” and will continue to initiate His relationship with us. In Philippians 2: 4, Paul says, “...for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” In Philippians 1:6, Paul says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Our “part” is to let Him “make the first move” and then participate with Him. The Amplified Bible states in 1 John: 23 “And this is His order (His command, His injunction): that we should believe in…the name of His Son Jesus Christ…and that we should love one another...” Faith is our receptivity to His activity (grace). Faith is not just giving mental assent to something but rather a personal relationship with the person of Christ whereby we agree with Him. Gal. 2:16 “…knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the Law; since by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified.” As we truly become aware of His amazing presence in us, we are “caught up” in the wonder of His grace. We might call that “love at first sight.” As we learn to live in Him, we experience as Jesus said, in John 10:10, “abundant life”.
When we hold others or ourselves to “principles to live up to” (especially in marriage) we become impersonal and miss the opportunity for genuine interpersonal relationship with God and others. It is not your best efforts to live by the principles of scripture but, as the apostle Paul says in Galatians 5: 25, “If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.” It is only then that you will experience the union of a loving marriage relationship as God intended. It is in Christ’s presence that you “live and walk” as He intended.
Embrace Christ's presence as your life and begin to live intimately both with God and your spouse. What we might call “personal by presence!”
